Saturday 8 - Morbidity?
1. my friend's dad refused to let him create a formal funeral for him. some people need to grieve with a such a ceremony. do you need a formal "goodbye" to properly grieve?2. we're getting together with a huge BBQ and lots of alcohol, which was his request, in a few weeks to memorialise him. would you prefer this to a formal ceremony?
3. i plan on having a mausoleum to be buried in, full of fat little marble cherubs and a nice place for my kids to come and sit & talk to me after i go. what's your final resting place going to look like?
4. my friend is out of touch with everyone, which is understandable. however, he's not even ringing up his live-in girlfriend to keep her apprised of his plans. his mother, on the other hand, is on the phone nonstop talking to everyone. when you grieve, do you shut yourself away from friends/family, or do you need them there with you to help ease the pain?
5. the first pet i lost was a marmalade tom named herman. herman got eaten by an alligator (no, i'm serious). i remember being 5 yrs. old and my parents telling me that herman was seen getting gobbled up by an alligator. who was the first pet you lost as a child?
6. when i was about 9 years old, my friend and her brothers were killed in a drunk-driving accident. it was the first funeral i'd ever gone to. do you remember your first funeral?
7. for centuries, people have been buried in mass graves due to disease, convenience, or war crimes, etc. do you feel mass graves are ok because we're simply a mass of cells which can be broken down, or do you feel that every single person who dies deserves a solitary resting place with a marker, etc.?
8. OT question - i have a work semi-formal ceremony to go to tonight. are you the type that likes to go to company-sponsored lavish events where everyone dresses up to hit the open bar with free gourmet food, OR would you prefer something that's quiet and more reserved, like a "thank-you" lunch?
and my answers are :-
1. my friend's dad refused to let him create a formal funeral for him. some people need to grieve with a such a ceremony. do you need a formal "goodbye" to properly grieve? I don't think it needs to be particularly formal for people to properly grieve. There are 2 things tha I think you need. One is a body to say goodbye to. I have never properly grieved over my best friend becasue they never found his body. The second thing is presence. I have never really grieved for my Grandmother ( Nan ) as I never took the time to go home for the funeral. Boy I have regretted that on so many occasions and I just hope that her cremated body ended up further South than it started. Personally I don't want to be buried and would prefer to be cremated and get the chance to fly.
2. we're getting together with a huge BBQ and lots of alcohol, which was his request, in a few weeks to memorialise him. would you prefer this to a formal ceremony? Like a lot of people, I would like to think that my friends and family will remember me with a smile on their face and a drink in their hand.
3. i plan on having a mausoleum to be buried in, full of fat little marble cherubs and a nice place for my kids to come and sit & talk to me after i go. what's your final resting place going to look like? The sky is the limit! I will never rest as my soul will live on within my kids. They know that I will always be there to answer their hardest questions or to help them decide what to do.
4. my friend is out of touch with everyone, which is understandable. however, he's not even ringing up his live-in girlfriend to keep her apprised of his plans. his mother, on the other hand, is on the phone nonstop talking to everyone. when you grieve, do you shut yourself away from friends/family, or do you need them there with you to help ease the pain? Does it seem weird that, at my age ( 50 next year ) ,I haven't really had to grieve properly for anyone human ( see above ) but I have grieved for Ash, our Great Dane, who died in my arms. it was such a help to have Mum and Dad with me at the time. OK so me and Dad cracked up almost immediately but we both realised that things would be so much worse without Mum there to get us through those moments.
5. the first pet i lost was a marmalade tom named herman. herman got eaten by an alligator (no, i'm serious). i remember being 5 yrs. old and my parents telling me that herman was seen getting gobbled up by an alligator. who was the first pet you lost as a child? I never had any pets of my own when I was young but we did have family pets. The first I can remember is our cat ( Tammy? ) being run over outside our house.
6. when i was about 9 years old, my friend and her brothers were killed in a drunk-driving accident. it was the first funeral i'd ever gone to. do you remember your first funeral? The first proper funeral I attended was for my mother-in-law. I thought I could control my emotions but I think its being surrounded with people who are suffering so much that also affected me.
7. for centuries, people have been buried in mass graves due to disease, convenience, or war crimes, etc. do you feel mass graves are ok because we're simply a mass of cells which can be broken down, or do you feel that every single person who dies deserves a solitary resting place with a marker, etc.? I don't agree with markers. We are such an insignifcant part of the whole thing that is the Universe and we still feel as if we know and own everything. Better to just become cells and reincarnated into other things.
8. OT question - i have a work semi-formal ceremony to go to tonight. are you the type that likes to go to company-sponsored lavish events where everyone dresses up to hit the open bar with free gourmet food, OR would you prefer something that's quiet and more reserved, like a "thank-you" lunch? I hate discos or lavish events. I quite like dressing up but feel much happier in a small group or even 1-1. In larger groups I feel completely inadequate and inferior and not able to hold a proper conversation. These are the times I would prefer to be a hermit!
posted by Frederick The Butler @ 1:20 pm
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